i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
