think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
