Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
