He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
