have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
