you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
