just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
