I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
