Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
