well I can't set my house on fire every night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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