i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
