weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
