And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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