Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
