He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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