so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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