No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
