One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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