Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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