they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
