Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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