There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
