3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
