I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
