I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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