guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i barfeds in our rink
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He passed out mid-signature
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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