I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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