Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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