is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The ass gains better be worth it
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