i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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