chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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