I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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