Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
