You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
