Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's like iHOP with fire
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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