I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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