i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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