Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
