I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
