We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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