It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
