As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
