My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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