Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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