what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
