WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
