Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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