apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
