so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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