White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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