I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
