here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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