My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
