if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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