Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
