I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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