haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
