no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
