I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
