I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I did not marry a roomba.
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