def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Houston, we have a squirter
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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