It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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