The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
