the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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