she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
