Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
