I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
