you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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