at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Randomize