he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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