He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
