you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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